Depressed.

Feeling depressed lately. Due to certain reasons. Feeling restless and don`t know what to do yet I have lots of things to do. A-lvls is freaking me out recently. Yes, I deferred and I obviously want to do better than before. Nevertheless, the most importantly is not to slack and more focus on studies. Obviously. DUH ! I really want to focus so badly guess really many things distracted me and the main thing probably the FEAR. I feel so stress until I barely sleep peacefully or properly recently. I always take 2 to 3 hours to sleep even when I`m lying in my bed. I hate this. Feels really tired. Besides that, other reasons as well that eventually make me a depressed person. I never felt so depressed like this before in my life. Just this year 2010. I don`t like this year. I felt like all the bad happenings occur to me and make me sad the most and cried alot. I wish next year 2011 would be a good year for me. After a-lvls AS exam , I would definitely do something that benefits my future with lots of planning. I promise to myself not to slack anymore and put more effort in whatever undertakings. I know is hard to do when times come but the fact I need more motivation. Besides, I am worried of lots of things ; many problems just pop up in my mind. I don`t know how to handle it but trying to handle it. Tsk tsk...Why am I feeling so emotional now when typing this out ? Hmmm.. oh well, I know I should think positive but even so is pretty hard but ofcourse I will try to think positive in everything. Life doesn`t end even you don`t get what you want right ? Ranting would definitely a great thing to do but in my blog. Oh well, it`s okay. No one will eventually read it. This blog is DEAD ! *smile* Good thing that I can rant all my problems here. RANT RANT RANT EMO EMO EMO. Srsly, I hate to be a emo person. I hate to be EMO ! This sucks. I want to be a happy person all the time so that I can sleep peacefully without any headaches when I get up and feel more lively ! Where is all my happy good spirit went to ? Damn , please come back angel spirit. I need you so much !! FUCKING MUCH ! All would be words and words. I don`t give a dam fuck to paragraph it. Since it is all wordy who the fuck wanna read? IDGAF! Yays ! I really hope that I won`t disappoint my parents and do go to good University. I always want to go good University in the UK to get a good education and be a successful person one day. I want to earn millions or billions of dollars ! HAHAHA ! Okay, I sounds ....hmm.. don`t know what to say but hey, who doesn`t wants to be a successful person and earn lots of money right ? It`s not wrong for me to dream this! Even I know currently I don`t have this 'glow' that I will be one but it`s future and no one knows about it , isn`t it ? Well, if you don`t like whatever I said is your fucking problem okay ? I don`t give a shit what you think and you don`t have to give a shit about me because you ain`t like it ! Screw YOU. This is my blog and I just like to be emo for this moment and rant whatever shits I love too. No one knows how I felt. College? College so stressful already. I wonder if I`m in the university or working. Oh fuck, I wish by then it would be hell lot better than college days. I regretted alot of things this year for what I`ve done. Anyway, SHIT HAPPENS all the time in everyone`s life ! So I`ll take this as a lesson for me to learn and improved myself in future. Making the same mistakes would be hella a mess to myself ! Sorry if my english as good or bombastic as yours if you`re happened to read. My english is so rojak and simple. I am a Malaysian so stop complaining or whining about my english. Don`t try to show off. If you think is lame writing all this shit above , you can just ignore ! Don`t give me that WTF look. Hate it! Everyone has their own opinion and thoughts. Don`t rant or comment about people especially when a person`s life is better than you and you are calling people spoilt brads just because you don`t get the treatment you wish for. I just can`t stand those people. So what if people is a spoil brad? This is people`s life lah. MAHAI ! They get whatever they want from their parents so what ? Their parents rich and can afford what. Why needed to be sarcastic saying like " my parents said no for not buying me a bag ; oh well i`m not a spoil brad " Doesn`t it looks like your jealous of someone ? I seriously don`t get it. I mean c`mon , just shut it. Some friends always complaining that this fella is spoil brad with the very angry looking or jealousy face ; I just keep quiet and smile or agree whatever they said because I don`t care. If you said this fella is a brad is fine but saying people SPOIL BRAD ? uh huh is two different thing okay ! I hate the fact that some people just thought they are always right and complaining about others. I know I am not PERFECT either ; I do say about people or rant about someone to my friend but somewhat I felt is silly. You will never know one day it will happen to you. After all thinking, I guess is better not to comment about someone. Perhaps, I am learning to mind my own business and will talk lesser as in gossip about people. Anyway, I`ve realized some of my friends doesn`t like me that much. I know probably is my attitude wise or some other things that make them pissed at me. Well, I am SORRYYY. But don`t give me a fuck face or talk to me like some fuck bitch , can ? Somtimes, being PRETENTIOUS is not that bad either but ofcourse in a good way. What if people is being all fake but they are nice? I seriously don`t mind. So long you`re not being a fake bitch , it`s fine with me. I used to think pretentious is bad but after awhile I thought being too STRAIGHT FORWARD is not that great either. You tend to hurt people`s feeling without noticing. I mean like hey, putting a fake smile doesn`t mean is a bad thing atleast you`re smiling and not showing your BLACK EMOTIONAL FUCKING FACE ! unless you`re really down to a certain reasons then yes. What I`m trying to say here is that live happily and be friends with others but not enemy even they treat u like fuck ass or whatever. No one is perfect , I know. And also don`t comment about others or judge that person too early because it will turn to you ; this is what you called KARMA ! This is LIFE. Everyone deserved to be whatever they want to be ; either a spoil brad or whatsoever. Stop being jealous in someone`s life that you really mean it. Jealous on people`s talent or anything in a good way is okay but not in bad intention. Anyhoo, enough of ranting about my life and friends and people. Shall rant when I feel like to. It feels good somehow. Au Revoir ! I am in dead shit for my french test this Saturday ! I haven`t been revising. Good luck to me ! HOHOHO !